“IT’S NOT FAIR!!!!!!!!!!!!!” I think this is a common response or thought we all have from time to time. We can also understand how some of the contestants like Daris feel that are not supported like the gray and yellow teams that have had partners and strong alliances.
However, the problem is “IT’S NOT FAIR!” can be one of the most dangerous and unmotivating thoughts we can have.
As a certified Master in NLP, my teacher Dr. Richard Bandler explains it this way. Our minds have two parts, we have a thinker and a prover. When you think a thought such as “it’s not fair” the prover part of your mind goes out looking for proof. The danger is how easily you can get stuck in a rut of corresponding negative thoughts looking to prove the original thought.
I am sure you have had this experience of bumming yourself out. You just think one negative thought like “it’s not fair” and then spend the next bit of time, coming up with all kinds of examples that prove why you are right. The problem is, even if the original thought is the truth (many times it is), this pattern left unchecked leads to feelings of anger, resentment and helplessness.
Let’s take one of the biggest examples we all see all the time on The Biggest Loser. “It’s not fair, I worked my butt off and only lost xx pounds”….. how many of us have had variations of that? “I followed my diet and only lost 1lb”……, “I went to the gym every day this week and didn’t lose any weight!” I, like you, have had variations of all these thoughts.
The danger is when “the prover” is left unchecked to run its negative course we often end up with feelings of failure, wanting to give up or maybe even binge?
What I suggest to combat this…. was modeled very nicely by Jillian to Daris. When Daris was complaining that it was not fair that the yellow and gray team had an alliance, Jillian did not argue or try to disprove him; she agreed because it is true…. it is unfair. But for Daris, it would not serve him to have his “prover” take over and moan and complain. Jillian turned the chat over to what can Daris do about Daris. What is important to Daris and what actions can Daris take to help him reach his goals?
Please understand, I know this is not easy. We all get caught up in negative thought spirals with “provers” that rant and complain. The trick is to learn to put on the brakes and say enough! What do I want to do? What will help me reach my goal? What action can I take and have control over?
If you want to know one of the main secrets of my success of keeping 170 lbs off my body for 6 years and why my clients are so successful, this is one of them. We have learned how to tell “our provers” when to take a hike.
This week I challenge you to notice your thinker and your prover. Ask yourself, is my prover taking me down the road of health, peace and love or anger, resentment and a future binge?
All the best,