I am usually not a fan of makeover week. Just a personal thing but I usually just do not find it very interesting. However I really enjoyed that segment this year and I think the reason is, we got so see the contestants experiencing how proud they were of themselves for how far they have come. I must admit going for the box of Kleenex a few times, yes… I am a softee.
The segment I want to discuss this week is again centered on Ada. I definitely am not picking on her, I just find the issues she is dealing with are so in line with the same ones many of us that battle food addiction and binge eating also deal with.
I have worked with many weight loss clients and one common thing I hear frequently goes like this; “when they, blankety-blank-blank, I will be fine”. You can fill in “they” with mother, father, brother, sister, husband, wife etc… and you can fill in “blanket-blank-blank” with support me, respect me, love me, tell me I’m special etc…..
Now I am not saying growing up in a non supportive family or one that does not show love, is not a painful experience. And I do not minimize the damage or pain that this can cause when growing up. However once we become adults what is our part in continuing the family tradition of abuse on ourselves? At some point do we as adults need to move on and learn to take some responsibility to nurture, love and respect ourselves? Or, at least reach out to a professional to help us learn how to?
I was glad to hear Ada saying that when she goes home she has a lot to discuss with her family. However I sincerely hope her desire is to speak her truth about the pain she has endured and not to get some kind of apology or agreement for them to change. You see, if she has conditions for her family and continues to make it about them changing, so then she can like herself, she will continue to be unhappy. Those inner feelings of sadness, depression or anger that fuel Ada’s and our food addictions cannot be solved by other people.
I ask my clients that are struggling with this same issue, what if your mom/dad(whoever it is) are incapable of saying that they love you or are proud of you? Maybe they have even passed away? Are you condemned for the rest of your life to battle with food addiction? The fact is, no matter how unsupported or unloved you felt growing up, many people are not capable of providing the support or love the way we wanted it.
One of the great things we get to see on The Biggest Loser is people growing and taking responsibility for what they want in their lives. I believe from my own experience and my clients, this is such a huge step in maintaining the life style changes keep you healthy and not fall back into one of the 95% that gain the weight back.
If you find yourself still struggling to let go of past hurts and resentments now is a great time to reach out to a therapist, coach, minister or any professional to start the healing process. The best diet you can be on is one free from pain and resentment.
I wish you all the best,